A lot of our clients hear me say that “relationships are mirrors” so I wanted to take a minute today to explain what that means and why it’s important to you.
First of all, in both healthy and unhealthy relationships, all our insecurities, our worries and fears are magnified and intensified in our primary connections with other humans.
This while annoying, is also purposeful in that it gives us a place to heal some old wounds and to become a better human all around.
That old adage “opposites attract” certainly rings true here because it seems that you gravitate towards people who always on time (when you’re not) or love the heat when you love the snow.
How the fuck is that remotely helpful, universe??
Well, why not look at it differently (you know me, the queen of the re-frame) and instead say it’s an opportunity for you to maybe figure out why you hate the heat so much or to give it a chance to see if you can adapt.
What about emotional wounds? Let’s say your partner is drinking too much and this ends up in those nasty, ‘I hate you and I’m leaving’ fights that you hate doing and regret so much in the morning. Like what the fuck is going on?
Well, if you peel back some layers, I bet you have some unresolved trauma from growing up or early adulthood that their drinking is reminding you of.
I know it seems ridiculous but all of these pulls and pushes we experience in relationships, are not accidental.
These conflicts are not a coincidence but rather an opportunity to grow!
Did you date someone who reminded you of your mom and all her critical, never satisfied ways? Well, this is because your psyche is like ‘hey, let’s try to fix this shit and see if you’re actually the issue.’
When we know you’re not but maybe you just needed another bout of this pain to remind yourself or to truly begin to see red flags and recognize the behaviors you’re not willing to accept any more.
Why not take inventory of these experiences to begin to formulate a plan to learn and grow from them instead of staying stuck in a pattern that isn’t servicing you.
Like stop dating brohole’s!!!! Stop dating that caustic lump who is never happy and always complaining!
You are the common denominator here which means YOU get to heal yourself.
Your relationships are here to guide you and help you become the best you. If you have ended up with someone who causes you so much pain, this doesn’t mean you should stay. Rather it means it’s a sign that your picking is off and you’re ready to heal and grow into the person you’ve always been meant to be.
Look at you all growing and shit!
Need help identifying this stuff? We got you! Schedule with one of our sparkly therapists here!