Everyone experiences grief. Precious few of us talk openly about it. As a result, many people lack guidance when it comes to navigating one of life’s greatest challenges. This ongoing scenario increases the likelihood of complicated grief or, more officially, prolonged grief disorder. As the name implies, this problem involves an extreme form of loss and bereavement.
However, if grief remains a taboo conversation topic, most of us don’t know what to expect in the first place. So how can we know when mourning has become prolonged or complicated if we haven’t established a baseline? Recognizing the signs of prolonged grief is a giant step toward overcoming it.
What is “Normal” When Trying to Process a Loss?
When a loved one dies, it’s natural to feel profound sadness and longing. What may seem more unexpected are cognitive symptoms that involve difficulty when trying to focus, make decisions, or handle stress. Forgetfulness is frequently present. At the same time, physical signs will emerge. Quite often, this means moving slower, sleeping less, and feeling off-balance.
Typically, none of the above is cause for alarm. The problems lie in duration and intensity. A diagnosis of prolonged grief disorder technically requires common signs of mourning to be obsessive and last at least one year (six months for children).
There are many other red flags to watch for, including:
- Volatile bouts of anger
- An inability to accept that the death has happened
- Isolating oneself from others, not trusting anyone
- Avoiding anything that can remind you of the loss
- Chronic loneliness
- Feeling stuck
- Emotional numbness
- Being unable to handle daily functioning
- Wishing it was you who died
- Blaming oneself for the death, feeling guilt
- Viewing life as meaningless
- Not enjoy activities you once enjoyed
Children living with prolonged grief disorder may develop a powerful fear of dying and of others dying. They may talk about the deceased person returning and when it doesn’t happen, they may fall into deep states of anger or despair.
Why Do Some People Struggle With Prolonged Grief?
As mentioned, part of it has to do with a lack of societal support. But in addition, some risk factors have been identified. For example:
- Childhood trauma
- Having a contentious relationship with the person who died
- Lacking support
- Substance abuse
- A history of mental illness
- The death happened amid other crises
- Suffering more than one loss in a relatively short period
How to Overcome Prolonged Grief Disorder
This is no magic formula, and every person’s situation is unique. Still, some basic advice exists and should be considered. Here are some tips:
1. Honor Your Feelings in a Self-Loving Way
Grief can become complicated when it’s not dealt with in the early stages. Do what you can to feel what you need to feel without worrying about what is “right.” Everyone mourns differently, and grief is most definitely not linear. Do things your way while making certain you’re not suppressing your emotions.
2. Connect With Others While Trusting Yourself
Grief is not a solo act. It can be tempting to withdraw, but you will need the support of loved ones. Don’t push them away. That said, you are under no obligation to listen to well-intentioned folks who speak in platitudes that make you feel worse. “Stay strong” is not helpful, and you don’t have to pretend it is. This is when having a therapist walking alongside this difficult journey, can be a game-changer!
3. Take Care Of Your Needs
It’s not selfish to think about yourself when someone else dies. Self-care is essential in times of intense stress. Safeguard your eating and sleeping habits. Stay physically active and cultivate some daily relaxation techniques.
Again, grief is not a solo act. If this post resonates with you, please reach out for help! We have therapists on staff ready to help you now … you can click here to self-schedule 24 hours a day or fill out our contact form and our Administrative Goddess will be in touch ASAP. Remember, we’ve got you!
