Every parent has moments of expectation. They gaze at their children and imagine who they’ll be and how they’ll live their lives. This is exciting and important — but it’s far from neutral. As long as you don’t restrict their options, your children will be who they choose to be. Needless to say, this process will include some surprises.
For example, if your child identifies as LGBTQ+, things will likely play out differently for them than you might have expected. In a society teeming with division and strife, you may worry for your LGBTQ+ child. That’s okay, as long as you don’t allow such fears to limit all your child can be.
A Few Reasons Why Being an LGBTQIA+ Parent is Challenging:
1. Concerns Related to School
At home, you can be an active, positive presence. But when your child goes to school, they have to rely on their own resources. Like all students, they have academics, athletics, and a social life to tend to. However, an LGBTQ+ student may face situations that others don’t have to prepare for. As their parents, you’ll want to:
- Keep an eye out for signs of bullying
- Stay in contact with their teachers and administrators
- Remain aware of changes in your child’s life, e.g., declining grades, social withdrawal, or suddenly moving with a new crowd
- Advocate for the school to be inclusive and preemptive
- Find a healthy balance of being involved but giving your child room to grow, learn, and develop important skills
2. The Influence of Social Media
For an LGBTQ+ child, the internet can sometimes be the only place they find acceptance. At the same time, social media is overrun with risky disinformation and peer pressure. It’s vital that a young person can formulate their own opinions and perspectives without being either bullied or unduly influenced to live a certain way.
3. Coming Out
You can offer advice if that input is requested. Otherwise, it’s up to your child if and when they opt to come out. Young people are vulnerable to behaving in a way that increases their social credit. So, all you can do is be available to talk and available to offer support when needed.
Navigating this new course with your LGBTQ+ child:
Dialogue is a crucial part of raising a teenager. LGBTQ+ or not, your child will find solace in knowing they can talk to you. This is a fluid process, so it’s best to demonstrate your openness in small ways every single day. Don’t pry but learn how to read their signals. Sometimes, the ideal way to start a tough conversation is by initiating it as a reference to something in the headlines.
You should never be expected to instantly understand the nuances of being LGBTQ+. There will be rough patches. But let your child know you’re interested and willing to learn. Do some research together and allow the experience to deepen your connection. Accept that this situation is not without challenges and use that to bond as you negotiate the ups and downs. If things feel overwhelming, ask for outside help.
The Role of Therapy:
Let’s bring it back to where we started. Parents have expectations, and children have their own lives to live. If your child comes out to you, it will probably require an adjustment period for all involved. Such a time is ideal to connect with a therapist who understands what you’re going through. Your weekly sessions are where you can work through your emotions and develop new skills.
We know how tough being a parent is under any circumstances! Being an LGBTQ+ parent does not have to feel like a minefield, we’ve got you! We are experts in working with both parents of our LGBTQ+ kiddos and the young people themselves – we pride ourselves in being a safe, affirming space for all women, girls & our LGBTQ+ members. Remember you can self-schedule here or reach out to us and we can handle it for you! We look forward to supporting you and your family on your journey!
