I think most of us women struggle with this at some point in our lives. {There are men that struggle with this too but since we only work with women, we’re talking to you!}
We’ve been taught our whole childhood that we have to be “good girls” or “nice.” How many times did we hear this growing up, and STILL hear it now?? Ugh!
Having this message as part of our emotional landscape will sometimes create a very compliant personality, which causes us to ignore our wants and needs, and to always please everyone around us. We might shrink at the hint of conflict or do everything we can to avoid an argument.
So, what IS a people pleaser exactly?
Other words you might’ve heard “people pleasing” could be are:
- Doormat
- Too nice
- Pushover
- Wussy
- … you get the drift!
Basically, a people pleaser is someone who tries too hard to make others happy, often going out of their way to please someone, even if it’s to their own detriment in terms of time, resources, happiness, or well-being.
Now look, there’s nothing wrong with compromising and saying yes to something when you know it will make your partner/friend/loved one happy. Do I always want to go look at wood shops with my husband? Not really but I know he loves it and it’s a small price for me to pay for his happiness. And he does the same for me.
BUT: there is a fine line between compromise and people pleaser – aka doormat – behavior.
And that’s the always vs. sometimes marker: do you ALWAYS say yes even when you’re exhausted and want to say no?
Then you may be a people pleaser.
Do you always do whatever your partner/friend/loved one wants even though you’d much rather do something else and are afraid to speak up?
Then you may be a people pleaser.
Do you always suffer in silence at family events even though they know that you hate board games/roast beef/whatever it is, because you don’t want to cause an issue?
You might be a people pleaser, girl.
So – how do you know if you are one and what should you do about it?
Here are 5 quick signs that you might be a people pleaser
1. You feel resentment simmering beneath the surface during an activity or event that you agreed to do despite your inner voice telling you NO.
2. You feel like you are always compromising in your relationships.
3. You’re always the one that everyone expects will contribute to something, even without asking you.
4. You always and immediately give in at the first sign of conflict.
5. You have a consistent & yucky feeling of never having your needs met or your feelings heard.
So how do you fix this: how do you stop being a people pleaser?
This is where we come in!
Our new practice – Empowered Connections Coaching – is a great space to look at this nasty little habit alongside your Empowerment Coach. Together you will figure out why you do it, and then begin learning how to change your behaviors that support this way of thinking. Essentially, we’ll teach you to give zero f***s!!
You don’t have to stay a doormat at all! Let us work with you in eradicating this annoying behavior because you deserve to have your feelings and needs met!
You deserve to have a life where you only do things you want to do and where you feel confident that others are not taking advantage of you.
You’ll learn how to put yourself first (most of the time) and really feel good about the choices and decisions you make. Changing this behavior will literally change your life!
Stay tuned for more information on our beta launch of EC Coaching in the next month or so at empoweredconnectionscoaching.com.
See you there!
