One of the biggest pieces of my work with women is teaching them the ability to begin noticing red flags, particularly in new relationships. You know, the ones you see AFTER you’ve gotten your heart broken and you’re picking up the pieces in your therapist’s office, or over coffee with your bestie.
Let me tell you that I was horrible at picking up on the warning signs at first, especially if I was in the throes of a hot and heavy relationship!
But just because I didn’t see them, doesn’t mean they weren’t there …
The helpful thing I’ve learned over the years is that people always SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE.
They don’t tell you but they sure as shit show you.
So, let’s go over some easy red flags that warn us of the pot hole filled road ahead, the tsunami, the long stressful nights and the always inevitable ugly crying that will ensue.
1. They profess their undying love for you in like the first minute (okay, maybe it’s within 2 weeks) but it feels super fast. And yes, you are wonderful (duh!) but no one can fall in love this quickly. They may exhibit this strong love by saying how they’ve waited for you their whole lives, that they have “never felt this way before” and they might even start talking about the babies you’ll have and what y’all will name them. DING DING DING!
2. Another flag to look out for is inconsistent behavior. For example, they’re always late or they take hours to answer you between snaps or text messages. My favorite one is being unavailable during “family” time so from 6 pm on or weird blocks of time like every other weekend, even though they say they don’t have kids, etc. (Ask me how I know this one??) This tells you that they are at a minimum, unreliable but usually it means they have another significant other or worse, they have another family they’re not telling you about.
3. Another flag would be if they are preoccupied with their cell phone 24/7. If they’re always looking at their phone while on a date with you, taking it into the bathroom with them at the restaurant and/or my personal favorite, leaving it in their car while they’re visiting at your house (what the f***???). These are clear indicators that they are being dishonest and slim shady which is NOT the kind of person you want to date. Well, unless you’re a sucker for pain and betrayal that is.
Here’s the deal with all of this … red flags are not necessarily a sign that you should not be with that person, but they are a warning of things to come.
Seeing red flags in the beginning of a relationship means to slow down and start taking in all the information that you’re getting. Be your own advocate and try to put aside all that heat and hormones to really notice what this person is showing you.
There are also more red flags that you may see which are particular to you personally which might look like someone new always forgetting everything you tell them, never asking you about yourself, and even hyper focusing on the superficial details of you (your beauty, your figure, your clothes, your car, etc). This tells you that this person isn’t “seeing” the real you – rather they’re infatuated with how you make them feel.
DING DING DING!
I always encourage the women I work with to take their time dating, slow down and really notice all the details that may slip you by, gathering enough intel to make a conscious decision about whether or not this person is good for you.
Doing this before you invest your emotions can save you heartache and regret.
Slow down and allow this new person to show you that they are worthy of your time, affection and investment.
Aren’t you worth it?